Discover in this testimonial the payoff of Partner techniques with a toddler:
A small spot of sharing: My biggest receiver and beneficiary of Partner techniques is my 13-month old daughter. While it may seem OBVIOUS, I hadn’t considered the positive impact these behaviors could have for us as a family. The approaches are all amazing. The few that have created a fabulous foundation for us are ‘Pretend Not to Notice’, ‘The Broken Record’ and ‘Stay Detached from the Outcome’. Oh man! There are times I realize that I’m driving so hard for a result (like “put on your PJs!”) that I absolutely lose connection with her. It is so helpful to apply the ‘Stay Detached from the Outcome’, stop myself, reset and remind myself that PJs don’t really matter and VOILA!, things start to flow.
I hear lots of parents say, “I sound like a broken record!”. I think to myself, “Yes! Let’s use the broken record to the best effect”. Staying calm, being sincere, and showing patience make us all feel better about getting stuff done – like taking a bath, changing nappies, tidying up. Thanks again for having a real impact on my family and my work success!
This is my munchkin. She loves this climbing wall. While it seems obvious to us that she isn’t ‘ready’ to climb it, she doesn’t give up! Every day she is trying out a new hold, approach, configuration – she will master it soon! (Isn’t she the best?!?! Oops! Biased!).
Krisandra Knight, Maersk
Over this holiday season I invite you to discover a new Partner hold, approach or configuration that will give you more of what you want, more often, with less hassle.
Here are some ideas and suggestions…
What if you pretended not to notice that just to avoid the in-laws your spouse has become overly enthusiastic cleaning the basement. Instead thank him or her for the beautiful organization (and do your best to avoid delivering this with a sarcastic tone of voice).
For the Broken Record approach, when your in-law keeps insisting on offering more unnecessary toys to your children, consider saying “Thank you so much for your generosity. As an alternative to toys would you consider offering them an experience?”. Be prepared to repeat this multiple times in a calm and direct voice and / or by email.
With the holidays come high expectations, which can often lead to disappointment. Take some time to reflect on what expectations you might be carrying into this holiday season. See if you can shift your attachment to absolutely wanting that thing to happen or not happen. Instead practice applying a Partner mindset and make the relationship the priority, even if the result is not what you desired.
For example, you might be attached to your kids behaving at their very best on family visits. In reality there is a high probability that they will overdose on holiday treats and run around the house acting like minions on steroids.
Apply these Partner approaches and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised by the magical results during this holiday season.
Happy Partnering!
Amy
