Ever been in a discussion with someone who you don’t agree with, for whatever reason, yet you didn’t dare say anything?
What about feeling your sweaty palms and trembling lip because you know you’re about to challenge someone or a situation?
Join the club!
“Neuroscientists pin this tendency to keep quiet rather than use our voice to something called “social threat,” where speaking up puts us at risk of lessening the social rewards we experience during personal interactions…”
Speaking up for what you believe in can be a risky manoeuvre and takes courage!
At work or in your personal life, keeping the peace and avoiding potential conflict, may feel more important than rocking the boat, even if it means being out of integrity.
Being authentic and taking a risk to speak your truth may get you into trouble…yet, when done well, the payoff can be huge for both parties.
What if you used your Partner skills in these delicate and difficult moments?
The irony is when we share our observations/opinions effectively (aka as a Partner), we may create awareness for the other, acting as a catalyst for them to shift or alter their behaviours. The result; not only can it preserve the relationship, it has the potential to improve and reinforce the relationship!
Here are some Partner techniques which will support you to speak up effectively.
Accept that this will be uncomfortable and scary, put on brave boots and apply the following steps:
1. Make a plan! Think about what you’d say and rehearse it in a way as Brené Brown would say “being kind and clear.”
2. Ask permission to give the other person your opinion.
3. Actively listen to whatever they say and summarise using this phrase;
“If I understand correctly you’re saying…”
This clarifies you understand the person’s point of view (not that you necessarily agree).
Watch this video for more tips
4. Once you have established your understanding, present your point of view briefly and make a request if appropriate.
5. After the exchange, assess what worked and what you’d do differently next time you’re faced with a delicate conversation.
I invite you to watch this video:
It’s an extreme example, where I chose to speak up, not just for my own benefit, also for the safety of those around me. I was only able to do that in the moment because I’ve worked on my Partner muscles regularly.
Check out the following article: Be Brave: 3 Strategies To Speak Up For Yourself And Others (forbes.com)
If you have recently found yourself in a challenging situation (successes AND failures!), let me know how it went by writing to me at [email protected]. I will share your stories and offer alternative approaches for the less successful scenarios.
