Imagine a world where communication was consistently effective, where misunderstandings were easily rectified and conversation was productive...
Amazingly I don't believe you need mood altering substances to achieve this state!
Just keep reading...
In the office and at home
We all love solutions to those extreme communication challenges we sometimes face...
This month we have the remedy to those situations where you find someone else's behavior totally not cool. So un-cool, in fact, that something has to change before you can continue interacting with them.
Perfect for that out-of-control boss/spouse/sibling/neighbour!
It's called the 4 Step Limit Setting Model. In the example below, imagine Chris is out of control and yelling:
1. Inform: "Chris, are you aware you are speaking to me in a raised voice?" (say this in a calm, neutral voice using a slow pace).
2. Request: "Chris, would you be willing to speak to me in a calmer, slower tone?" (ask them what you want them to do rather than what you want them to stop doing).
Warning: only move to Step 3 if you are prepared to go to Step 4, otherwise you'll lose credibility the next time you make a request.
3. Set limit: "Chris, if you won't speak to me this way, I'll need to hang up the phone." (Or leave the room, etc.)
4. Enforce limit: "Chris, I'm going to hang up the phone now. I'll speak to you later." (Hang up the phone.)
The following delivery tips are what will increase your chance of success: speak in a calm, neutral tone and a slow pace. Not easy to do, though highly effective.
It's rare you'll ever need to go all the way to Step 4 before the person changes their behavior, though if you do, they may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable the next time they see you. So it's important to show empathy and kindness when you engage with them the next time.
Don't take our word for it
Actions speak louder than words, and we just love sharing the successes that our clients get by using *the Predator, Prey, Partner techniques.
Here is this month's success story:
Amy, after the EMBA course you taught, I went to see my most difficult, aggressive customer. This person is 100% predator.
This customer is a wholesaler. This means that on the one hand, he is my partner and on the other hand, we are competitors in some distribution channels. Annual sales with this customer are €2 million. Every meeting before was the same: both parties hiding something, bluffing.
Before the meeting I decided - "I will go to this meeting with a Partner mindset and I will start using SMARTNERSHIP" (also from the first week's program). I prepared for the meeting and the results were very positive:
1. It was the first time I was open with this customer and told them what I liked, what I didn't like. I didn't hide anything. In the beginning the customer looked at me strangely, thinking that I was stupid or sick. Step by step he started to open up also. It was really fun to feel that everything you told us was working.
2. The second very important step during this meeting was to implement SMARTNERSHIP. We both started looking at what money besides the €2 million annual sales we were both losing. And we both found that by not being open, we were losing €1.5 million. Simple, really simple and we both agreed.
After the meeting I got an order for €150,000 and for 2013 we will aim for €3.7 million turnover. €3.7 million is €2 million in 2012 plus 10% growth and €1.5 million which we found using Partnership mindset and SMARTNERSHIP!
Sales Manager, Baltic region
* The Predator Prey or Partner™ model is licensed content created by Pat Kirkland of Pat Kirkland Leadership Inc. Founded in 1990, PKL (patkirklandleadership.com) is a company with a purpose, the "soul" purpose of creating a world that works together better. Its business mission is to offer practical, powerful communication programs teaching people how to transform their work relationships by changing how they communicate.