Do you know someone who seems to be negative all of the time? A person who always considers the glass half empty, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, wakes up every day on the wrong side of the bed? I refer to these types as 'The 5% Club', truly dark clouds, determined to block your sunshine. Well you just keep on shining bright Partners because I have good news for you!
'The 5% Club' is the term I use for individuals who are always going to be miserable no matter what, meaning no-one can positively influence them! Years ago, before I mastered the Partner behaviors and attitude, I used to think that 50% of the world was in the 5% Club. Even an 8 year old with basic math skills knows that doesn't add up! What I came to realise is that when I would go Predator this encouraged the other 45% to remain Predator. Now that I live in the zone of Partner most of the time, I can truly say that there is only a very small percentage of the population I'm not able to positively influence.
The question for you is how do you manage a true card-carrying 5% Club member? Here are my suggestions:
1. Be sure that you're showing up as a solid Partner. This way you know it's not your behaviours or attitude that may be triggering the other person to misbehave. 2. Make up a story to explain their misbehaviour. The story I tell myself is this 5%er may have endured very challenging circumstances in their childhood and as a result this is the best they can do. This will help you to not take their behaviour personally. 3. Manage the situation as best you can. What I mean by that is move and speak slowly, respond calmly and concisely. 4. Remove yourself from the situation as soon as it's appropriate or get back-up to support you.
5. Finally as a bonus and a way to contribute to their healing, send them an energetic bundle of love & positive, green vibes! Good luck and happy partnering!
Here's this month's success story… I used to think that I was one of those always-friendly co-workers. I thought when I failed to create a good rapport (or even worse - I once turned a close colleague into an enemy) was only because the other person struggled to see things as they were, couldn’t accept my direct, open and honest feedback and took things personally. Ok - I could have saved my feedback for a moment when alone with my colleague... So my manager asked me to address this more "serious" relationship case with the help of a professional coach. Selecting Amy wasn't difficult. I read her internet posting about partnership behaviours and instantly felt there is somebody who can help me. Diagnosis: Predator behaviour! Amy has been extremely efficient in educating me about what was actually going on. Most importantly Amy helped me practice Partner-style behaviours. And I had another key insight: Amy is teaching me improvement opportunities for every day and even every hour at work! It's not just for certain situations when facing conflicts and stress. Very powerful. So as I apply my learnings about how to greet others when in a rush, about how to hold myself and communicate and especially - very importantly - how to slow my pace of talking, why to retire the word 'but' and smile more - I actually feel much better, more confident, even more positive and it’s not only me who feels the difference. My new manager suggested that our working relationship has been much improved! He couldn't really say why. I could. Thank you Amy! Anonymous Division Head for a pharmaceutical company
Actions speak louder than words, and we just love sharing the
successes that our clients get by using these techniques.
You can use this voucher yourself to attend this powerful training program, or alternatively pass it on to someone who may be interested in attending and give them the opportunity to find their inner Partner!
* Check out my web page for more tips on active listening and communication skills www.carrollcoaching.com
Also do not forget to listen to my Podcasts for some real-life examples of how the Predator, Prey, Partner model has worked for many of my clients.
#comminicationskills #communicationcoach #maintainintegrity #leadershipskills #choices #activeinterruption #positivemindset #gesturing #activelistening #collaborativeattitude #partnermode #avoidconflict #thinkandgrow #emotionlintelligence #positivepyschology #results #activelistening #PredatorPreyPartner