Imagine a world where communication was consistently effective, where misunderstandings were easily rectified and conversation was productive...
Amazingly I don't believe you need mood altering substances to achieve this state!
Just keep reading...
In the office and at home
This month we have an absolute cracker for you, which will change both your home and work life. It has the added benefit of being very simple!
Eliminate the word 'but' from your life.
We all know how much of a showstopper this word can be.
"Yes darling I think it's a great idea, but have you thought about..."
"Yes that's an excellent way to launch the product, but we don't have the budget."
In many cases the word 'but' has the ability to kill confidence, creativity and communication, to name just a few of the reasons to avoid it. Sometimes it can feel like a dagger in the side when you are on the receiving end.
Here's how to remove the 'but' from your life:
Phase 1, Awareness:
Find 3-5 minutes a day for focused practice during a low stress conversation. During this time, be on hyper alert, listening for the 'but'.
Phase 2, Replacement:
When you hear 'but', go back a half sentence and replace but with one of the following words:
e.g. "Nice presentation, Amy and I noticed you ran overtime. Would you like to discuss ways you can stay on time for your next presentation?"
e.g. "Nice presentation, Amy, unfortunately you ran overtime. Would you like to discuss ways you can stay on time for your next presentation?
· On the other hand
e.g. "Nice presentation, Amy. On the other hand, you ran overtime. Would you like to discuss ways you can stay on time for your next presentation?
· At the same time
e.g. "Nice presentation, Amy. At the same time, you ran overtime. Would you like to discuss ways you can stay on time for your next presentation?"
· Or a new sentence
e.g. "Nice presentation, Amy. I noticed you ran overtime. Would you like to discuss ways you can stay on time for your next presentation?"
Notice the reduced resistance and increased ease / willingness of how others respond to you when you have kicked the 'but' habit!
I recommend removing 'but' from your vocabulary so that it doesn't accidently slip into your speech during difficult, delicate or challenging conversations, because this is where it's most likely to show up and where it can cause the most damage.
For every language you speak, you may need to train it separately.
Not using 'but' in your speech will reduce others' resistance and keep them open to listening, especially when you have bad news to share.
Enlist the help of your friends and family and ask them to let you know when you are
using 'but'. Little kids LOVE to coach on this!
Don't take our word for it
Here’s a great testimonial of the *Partner Mindset Technique 'Staying Detached from the Outcome'
This was a really difficult challenge for me! I had purchased an Aveda hair product that wasn't doing what the saleswoman said it would. I was really disappointed and had lots of stories running in my head about how it was her fault; Aveda's fault; I was in a rush; I felt pressured... blah blah blah.
I made up my mind to return the product, even though on the receipt it says no refunds or exchanges. Honestly, when I left the house to head into the city, I was really worked up and annoyed with the whole thing!
While on the bus riding into the city, I had time to reflect. I thought of Amy's partnering techniques, specifically being detached from the outcome. I played through the scenarios in my head: walk in friendly and confident - smile on my face, be calm and clear, and detach myself from the outcome.
After a few deep breaths outside the Aveda store, I walked in and up to the counter. A very friendly saleswoman greeted me and I shared, "I bought this product a few weeks ago and it isn't doing what I thought it would...". I explained my expectations and asked if I could exchange it for another product.
She didn't answer my question right away; rather she asked me several questions about the products I use. This was an opportunity to get really annoyed with her and complain, except I didn't! I was thinking - be friendly and answer honestly - stay detached from the outcome.
After I answered the questions, she agreed to exchange the product! YAHOO! Success! And good for Aveda, because the product I exchanged it for has me hooked and I'll definitely be buying more! A win-win!
Customer Experience and Process Improvement Leader
* The Predator Prey or Partner™ model is licensed content created by Pat Kirkland of Pat Kirkland Leadership Inc. Founded in 1990, PKL (patkirklandleadership.com) is a company with a purpose, the "soul" purpose of creating a world that works together better. Its business mission is to offer practical, powerful communication programs teaching people how to transform their work relationships by changing how they communicate.